We all struggle in different ways when it comes to love, acceptance, and worthiness.
Whether you identify as a 2, 3, or a 4, there are many struggles from the heart triad in the Enneagram. One of the biggest struggles of this triad is the inner critic that tells us that we aren’t capable of love.
Let’s face it, we all have an:
“inner mean girl”
But regardless of the lies you are telling yourself, you are capable of love.
While studying the Enneagram, we realize that we all struggle with the idea that we aren’t lovable. Sure, we all have a different version of this lie we tell ourselves. But regardless of your definition, it still stings.
We want to share with you guys these different lies we tell ourselves and offer an alternate, God perspective of who you actually are.
Starting with the Feeling/Heart triad, we are going to take a look at the 2’s, 3’s, and 4’s perspective. We want to be able to change our inner-self narratives to speak more truth.
Here are some struggles from the heart triad in the Enneagram.
What 2’s, The Helpers, Struggle With
As a helper, you struggle with feelings of love. It’s not that you don’t have enough love to go around, because you actually are one of the most loving types. And it’s not that you aren’t capable of extending a head to help out, you are actually really great at helping meet other people’s needs. Yet, what you struggle with is that if you don’t constantly having something to offer, people don’t want you.
The lie that you are telling yourself today is that if are unable to give your whole heart and abilities that you aren’t capable of love. But this is such a skewed way of thinking. I want you to know that despite what the enemy keeps whispering in your ear, you are capable of love. While it’s okay to enjoy helping other people and loving them where they are, don’t ever think that your worth is based solely on what you can offer other people. Despite all the false self-narrative that you have been telling yourself, you are not your offerings.
I want you to know that while it is so beautiful that you are constantly wanting to offer your time and energy to help others, it’s okay to help yourself. It is okay to love yourself as much as your neighbor. It’s actually what God has called you to do. Don’t ever think that your identity is wrapped up in what you are able to give out freely. It is completely okay to be able to just be present without always having to give so much of yourself. Allow yourself to grow in knowing that people still love you even if you can’t offer them anything tangible. Sometimes simply being the friend that listens is more than enough.
You are capable of love.
What 3’s, The Performers, Struggle With
As a Performer, you struggle with feelings of worthiness. It’s not that you don’t have accomplishments, because you actually are a motivated individual. And it’s not that you aren’t capable of accepting respect for your work, you actually have high values. Yet, what you struggle with is the idea that if you don’t have a long list of accomplishments next to your name, people don’t love you.
The lie you are telling yourself today is that if you aren’t successful in life that you aren’t capable of love. But this is such a skewed way of thinking. I want you to know that despite what the enemy keeps whispering in your ear, you are capable of love. While it’s completely okay to be goal-oriented have a strong drive for hard work, that is not your identity. Despite all the false self-narrative that you have been telling yourself, you are not your achievements.
Let me tell you a secret.
Even if you fail your business venture, even if you drop out of College or even if you come in last place, you are still capable of lovea. Your motivation for hard work should never be about being loved. It’s a great thing to be a highly-motivated person. But, when you seek affection through your hard work, it writes the narrative that once you fail, you are no longer worthy. That is a straight faced lie from the enemy. Do not declare that over your life. You are still loved and worthy whether you are a successful business owner or you are let go from your position. Titles don’t have a place when it comes to how much God loves you. You may be successful but there is so much more to you than just your accomplishments.
You are capable of love.
What 4’s, The Romantics, Struggle With
As a Romantic, you struggle with acceptance. It’s not that you aren’t capable of loving others, you actually love others well. And it’s not that you aren’t capable of love, you are actually loved by many. But what you struggle with is the idea that if you don’t stand out, people don’t love you.
I get it. I am a strong four by nature. Four’s strive off of being unique and standing out. Often times though, I what I strive for is love and acceptance. The biggest struggle 4’s have is that we aren’t able to understand that we can be loved the way we are. We don’t have to compete for other people’s love. It’s quite okay to stand out and be your own person but when you believe that your love is dependent on your uniqueness, the enemy runs with it. I can tell you that because I live this daily.
I constantly struggle with wanting acceptance. You know what I really have to fight off sometimes? The necessity of being vulnerable. At one point, you want to be love and acceptance. But at the same time, you want to be so different and unique that you push people away in fear of abandonment.
The lie you are telling yourself today is that if your individuality isn’t understood it means that you aren’t capable of love. But this is such a skewed way of thinking. I want you to know that despite what the enemy keeps whispering in your ear, you are capable of love. And it’s okay be different but don’t let your uniqueness dictate your worthiness.
You are capable of love.
Where Do We Go From Here?
As mentioned above, we all struggle in some ways when it comes to love and acceptance. There are many different struggles from the heart triad in the Enneagram. While 2’s deal with the struggle of love if they aren’t giving, 3’s struggle with feelings of worthiness if they aren’t performing, and 4’s struggle with acceptance if they don’t stand out enough.
We all can learn something from the 2’s, 3’s, and 4’s in our lives. And if there is one thing we could tell them is that they are capable of love.
If this is your first time discovering the Enneagram, we want to congratulate you as well as encourage you to keep reading and studying all that you can. The Enneagram has been such a valuable tool for us and has honestly changed the way we view the world. After truly understanding the Enneagram, we believe that everyone can benefit from understanding themselves, as well as the people in their lives. After reading how we can better understand the heart triad in the Enneagram, it is equally important to better understand all of its parts. The heart triad is only a start in self-discovery.
You may be asking, “all of this information is great about the understanding the struggles of the heart triad in the Enneagram, but I don’t think I relate to any of these numbers. Where do I go from here?” and that is a valid question. The biggest thing that we realize is that God is so vast and complex in the way He created us. Being able to understand even a glimpse of His divine creation through the Enneagram creates room for maturity and growth. The Enneagram isn’t a one and done thing, just like learning who Christ is in our lives. This is not to discourage you but in fact encourage you to keep searching. Keep asking questions, keep learning, and most of all, keep loving.
This week, Cody and I are digging deep into the feeling/heart triad from the Enneagram. If you would like to learn more, be sure and take a listen!
Also, if you are new to the Enneagram, this is a great tool in understanding each personality typology. Be sure and snag this book if you want to get a glimpse of God’s unique love for each individual person.